ME: come over
BFF: okay are you working from home today. because i should leave now so i can beat rush hour
ME: no, i'm at the office today
BFF: in the valley?! no. you come meet me. i am not driving from the west side in traffic to meet you. you're going against traffic
ME: ok, i'll come meet you in South America. better traffic fo sho.
BFF: just go south on la brea for like, a long time
ME: i can prolly hitch a ride on a coke train or something, or with some white sex slaves down to central america, and pick up a donkey in panama
BFF: HA! sell yourself into white slavery to come meet me for coffee...
ME: STOP IT. i'll punch you in the duodenum
BFF: i will sock you in the ovaries straight to the baby maker
ME: make out with me
ME: gentle, gentle now
BFF: (whispers) "is it in yet?" (gross breathing in your ear)
ME: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. nooooooooooo. you just ruined the magic.
ME: now i'm not in the mood
ME: go get me a pie
BFF: I have a suggestion. now, it's just a suggestion. so think it over.
ME: anal? wait.
BFF: we get the reverse siamese twin operation. where we are actually CONJOINED on purpose
ME: that's a different suggestion entirely
BFF: and, anal. but, later after the anesthesia has kicked in. i have a very tiny anus.
ME: i think i'm putting this in the blog. because we are sick. the world needs to know about how sick we are.
BFF: make sure to include the part about my very tiny anus, it's a strong selling point of mine
ME: i'm putting in anal, all the way back to....white slavery
BFF: honey, that should be the title of your autobiography.