the pieces...

it's happening so fast...

the pieces of him, the physical evidence of him, are starting to fade from my life already...

washing the sheets...which means there is no trace of the way he smelled...

using the last of the half and half, that he bought, in my coffee this morning...

even the smallest things...like using the last of the razors that he bought for me at costco...things i took for granted every day that seemed so natural they could be considered silly...they are like a punch in the gut...they were all evidence that he was here...he was real, i didn't dream him...

the things i have to do everyday to go on living will slowly erase him, they will get used up...even though i realize that i have the best parts of him in my heart and my memories...

a year ago today he helped me move my life from san francisco to los angeles. he drove the truck carrying my entire material life the 400 miles to start our life in this strange and familiar town...and so every part of my apartment is filled with him, to the point that even when the razors, half and half, contact lenses, shaving cream, t-shirts, movies and books are no longer here, he still will be...

i don't know how i can escape that.

i still can't believe it's real.